excerpt.
Monday, June 14, 2004 1:19 AM
From: tim
Subject: Great galloping hula hoops!
Hey, so, what if you could have any power or ability that you wanted, what would it be?
At first, I’d say invisibility, but it’s SO hard because you can still be heard and felt, so people will freak out if you aren’t extremely careful. And I don’t like heights so I don’t want to fly. I think I’d want the ability to create destruction with my mind. In church or the library or something, just think really, really hard and I can make all the windows explode and then be like, “What in the world was that?!” or to be able to speak any language at all. Including sign language, the language of love, music notation, computer ‘ones and zeros’, Morse code, and that African one where they just click their tongues and blink a lot. That’s a language right?
Gotta go. The roaches are reading over my shoulder, and I think they’re out to get me fired! See you when my eyes fall out and I ship them to Florida in a little box that’s not big enough for anything else so you just have to display it.
-teerht mit
Monday, June 14, 2004 11:55 PM
To: tim
Subject: Good question
I think I’d want the power to stop time…wait no change that. No I don’t want that. No, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I want the ability to visit any memory in my mind, whenever, and however many times. Ha. So you don’t have to go back in time in order to relive moments…because that’s really, really dangerous, and it prolly won’t be the same. It won’t be as you REMEMBERED it… sooooo yeah. The ability to visit any memory in my mind, to relive the memory, even the ones I’ve forgotten. Yes. That’s a good one you have to admit.
Flight… I don’t know why, but I have this incredible, like a tugging within my heart to just fly up there and touch the stars (or at least get closer) every time I look at them. And that’s the only time I’d want that.
Ooh! Oh! But another power is to be any place, any time with just a thought, in an instant. Like, as a “there’s no place like home” type of thing. Think of how much time we’d save without travel. Then I could visit anyone, anytime. No problem!
I sometimes wish the Earth (the planet itself, the environment) would act according to my emotion. Like when I’m crying I want it to rain, when I’m really angry I just want a window to explode and shatter in a million pieces, when I’m discouraged I want things to melt away, you know? Wouldn’t that be cool? Expressing yourself with destruction? It would be a little selfish…eh. But still, that’s a cool power.
Okay so top three powers are: (in no particular order of preference)
1) Mind travel - being anywhere whenever you want to, in a second.
2) Memory travel - being able to visit any memory
3) Expression through destruction
You know one thing I could change, instead of expression through destruction it should be expression through nature, so it doesn’t have to be only when you’re in a negative mood. A flower should blossom if you’re in love. A breeze should come when you’re satisfied. The leaves should fall when you’re having fun. It should snow when it’s Christmas!
Yeah I like that a lot. Okay so,
3) Expression through nature. (or the environment around you)
There. That’s my top 3.
*netsirk ylsuoicanetsirk
sanitation.
In my 23 years of life (I’ve been cognizant of roughly 18 of them, just to be technical), I have witnessed alarmingly numerous individuals who do not wash their hands after they pee. I hear pee sounds, the toilet flush, they come out and then THEY RINSE THEIR HANDS WITH WATER.
You know who you are.
My friends, what are you doing? Rinsing your hands with water accomplishes nothing. These are the only reasons I can come up with as to why people don’t bother using soap after peeing:
- Urine is sterile. Therefore by getting pee particles on my hand I have sterilized my hand.
- Guys use this one: “I didn’t touch anything, I can pee without even touching my dong!” Awesome bro.
Girls, the amount of toilet paper you use doesn’t change anything.
Why? Because someone definitely pooped upon that toilet at some time, and used his or her poopy hand to FLUSH. That’s right, the same way you did. And where are his poo particles now? Having a poo party on your hand.
Poo parties are not fazed in any way by water. So wash your hands with soap. Pleeeeaaassseee. I can’t bare to watch you freshen up your face with wet poo hands. That’s not refreshing. That’s terrifying.
And guys, if you think the flush on the urinal is clean enough to lick, rinse away.
comedy.
Sometimes life is hilarious even when it’s not funny. I get people who laugh at things that are genuinely sad. I know where they’re coming from. Deep down I’m sure they understand true tragedy, even if they mock it. Maybe sarcasm is a way of looking on the bright side.
When you start laughing at sad things people get offended though, and that’s no good. It doesn’t really make the world a better place. I guess you just have to try to lovingly laugh. Laugh at them with love. For instance, your dead dog. That’s hilarious. But you can’t lovingly laugh at your dead dog without being dramatic and depressing, and you can’t simply laugh at your dead dog without being maniacal. It’s a complicated boundary.
May I note, people who cause tragedy to laugh at have something entirely different wrong with them.
Mockery is a great excuse to avoid reality. I’m down. You have to be able to recognize that is what you’re doing though. As long as you admit it, I think it’s funny.
guilt.
The right amount of guilt is a good thing. Too much, you end up like Eeyore, a lump of a human being. Too little, your nose falls off and all the sudden you’re Voldemort. Guilt is often linked with religion, yet even those who do not believe in any type of higher being or spirituality feel guilt. We are all infused with a sense of what is “right” and what is “wrong.” Guilt is what creates our sense of integrity. Guilt is essential to our humanity.
Lots of non-profit organizations prey on guilt to push their causes. Then later you also feel guilty subscribing to their $30 a month donation. funny.
Guilt is an interesting motivator. It lies between love of self and love of others. You can either make a choice because it will benefit you, someone else and you, or someone else. Making choices because you don’t want to disappoint someone (guilt), and making a choice because it will make someone happy are opposite and separate motivations. The first is expecting approval, or an award. The second expects nothing in return.
I hate being motivated by guilt. I want to do what is right because I desire to. I have too much guilt and it is depressing and overwhelming. I admit, instead of doing something about it, for instance, cleaning the mountain of dirty dishes, I will just be guilty. I’ll just sit and feel guilty. Too much guilt is paralyzing. It just breeds more guilt.
Let’s allow ourselves to feel guilt only so that it will bring us to make decisions that make others happy. This will eventually enable us to make choices for the benefit of others without having to feel guilty beforehand. These same choices will bring happiness and enrich our lives. This is my rationalization. and…. I’m out. peace.
hair.
When I look at people, I can’t help but analyze their hair. I’m a hairdresser, I can’t help it. When hair looks good, I really appreciate it. It just makes me so happy. When it doesn’t, I want to fix it. My head goes though this rolodex of possibilities. “If only they styled it like this, if only they cut it like that. If only they got their highlights done by someone who knew what they were doing.” They are so close to looking amazing, it drives me crazy.
When I have consultations with my clients, they want to look good. Obviously. The tragedy is, what they think “looks good” does NOT look good. Sometimes it’s because their taste sucks, sometimes it’s because they’ve never tried any other hairstyle, sometimes it’s because they don’t understand what they want doesn’t look good on them.
One summer, in the beginning of my hairdressing career, I did a huge makeover on my 15 year old sister-in-law. Hair, make-up, eyebrows, everything. She looked like she could be on the cover of Teen Vogue. A month later, her eyebrows went back to being bushy, she didn’t wear any of the make-up I got her, and she dyed her hair back. twice.
It was painful. But you can’t fight what’s inside a person. Just because I made her up, didn’t mean she all the sudden was going to become the kind of girl who would do so. What’s on the outside doesn’t change what’s on the inside. People have to decide to want change on the inside first. Think about it guys. This is deep stuff.
Alternatively, what someone’s hair looks like doesn’t always reflect what’s on the inside, so no judging. Just a side note.
But anyways, when you’re ready, I can make you look fantastic. If you already look fantastic, believe me when I tell you there is no one who appreciates it more than I do.
potential.
“…the things you could do, you won’t but you might. The potential you’ll be but you’ll never see, the promises you’ll only make.” -Elliott Smith
Humans have potential to do anything. I don’t think potential is created or taken away by our actions, I believe it is a permanent attribute. I don’t believe potential can be quantified as “some potential” or “a lot of potential.” Those people are confusing the word “potential” with “opportunity.” Every human being has the same potential.
Potential isn’t very special or exciting.
My coworker Wil and I used to bend our knees and whisper, “potential potential potential” and at the right moment we would simultaneously jump in the air and frantically exclaim, “KINETIC!!!”
Yes. As in, the energy. It’s only in the precise moment where potential energy is converted into kinetic energy that anything happens. 11th grade physics y’all. So I strive to be kinetic. I want sparks to shower in my wake, I want to connect, I want to be volatile, and electric. I am Kinetic Kristen. Have we met?
